India-Part 2

Sometimes I think my heart is going to break in two.


Ok, so that might be a little dramatic. BUT it does feel like that. Especially right now. I miss India so much. I miss the beautiful people, the authentic faith, deep relationships, and encouraging relationships. I miss the food, the clothes, the bright smiles, beautiful children, and amazing experiences with God.

My favorite hymn says

"And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul."

And how true this is for me right now! I miss it there so much. I truly left my heart in India. My body may be here, but my heart is there. 100% there. And I am just waiting for the Lord to open that door so I can go back. How could he give me this passion and this heart and then not provide the way to act on it? He hasn't. And he won't. 

This season of my life is one of growing. Growing my faith, my patience, and my trust in Him. So even though I cannot wait for him to reveal his plan to me, I need to be content here. I need to enjoy every second I have being in college, with my family, friends, and boyfriend. I need to grow my relationship with him to be truly steadfast in his promises and love.

So until I am back in the home of my heart, I will just have to sing along with the words of Horatio Spafford, 

Lord, It is well with my soul. Regardless of where you send me or keep me. Regardless of the desires of my selfish heart, regardless of my impatience and frustration. It is well with my soul. 

More to come as I continue to process....

India-Part 1

"You know it’s funny what a young man recollects? ‘Cause I don’t remember bein’ born. I don’t recall what I got for my first Christmas and I don’t know when I went on my first outdoor picnic. But I do remember the first time I heard the sweetest voice in the wide world." -spoken by the beloved Forrest Gump. When remembering India it's easy to remember the true joy shining in the childrens faces, the love you feel when they wrap their tiny bodies around yours yelling "teecha! teecha!". But it is also easy to remember the bruises caused by drunken fathers, the deformities caused by intermarrying and malnutrition, the beggar children following you with outstretched hands.

We flew into India in the middle of the night. My excitement after months of anticipation and over 24 hours of traveling was hard to contain. Looking out of the window of the plane, it was just blackness below us. Then suddenly there were bursts of light shining up at us. Illuminating the darkness. Maybe it was just exhaustion, maybe it was suspense, maybe it was just the Lord moving in my heart, but the sight brought tears first to my eyes, then rolling down my cheeks. Why? Because I realized that was US. We were coming with our lights shining into the dark country of India. The lights stood out so much more after just seeing darkness for so long that you were instantly drawn to look at them. In John it says, "The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it." And that is so true about India.

The darkness there is almost overwhelming at times. The idols clearly displayed and the worship of them evident in every bus, and on every street. Satan truly has a grip on the beautiful country of India! But...just as on the plane...the small glimpses of light you see in people shine brighter than you could ever imagine! The way the people there worship the Lord is truly inspiring.

We had the privilege of discipling believing women while in Goa. Although they cannot read, and do not have access to the scripture in their home, their faith is incredible! They have to fully rely on the Lord for everything in their life. Seeing them come before the Lord, asking for even just the equivalent of $5 to take home to their families so their husbands do not beat them. How often do we take our worries and our praises before the Lord here in America? How often do we truly find ourselves fully reliant on him? I realized that although I have access to many forms of the scripture here, I do not open them and use that precious gift as I should. I realized that my praise of Him is often based on what He has done for me that day. I realized that even though I was suppose to be pouring into those women, they impacted me more than I probably impacted them.

The learning opportunities I had in India were incredible. I learnt how to navigate crowded buses, and how to shove myself onto an already packed bus. I became an expert at the game frogger-in real life- crossing busy intersections without cross walks or lights. (The key is to just walk and hope they avoid you). I now know to always keep food in my bag to hand out to the beggar children and women on the streets. I realized that Americans show way too much of their bodies and modesty here is pretty much nonexistent. I learnt that I have a gift in just being able to speak English, and was able to attempt to help the women there increase their value by learning the basics as well. My body=weak. Indian hospitals= interesting experiences. Fellowship and guidance from other Christian women is so important in spiritual growth. I have amazing self-control as I didn't kidnap the 4 children I wanted to, to bring home to my mom.

One of my favorite experiences while in India was handing out Operation Christmas child boxes! My church packs these every year, as does my school. Personally, my family has being doing a box every year for as long as I can remember. Being able to see in person the excitement and joy in the children's faces as they got things their family would never be able to afford was amazing. The pure joy I saw in just simple marbles, or toothbrushes, or soap, or crayons was almost heartbreaking. Most families there earn 100 rupees a day. So about 2 dollars a day. When you have 5 children to feed and a husband who gambles, crayons aren't high on your priority list for your kids. But these boxes enabled them to have the basics as well as the fun things. Also, it brought the message of the gospel in their language to them. It meant they could show their families their presents and bring a small glimpse of light into their homes.




Well more to follow later, I can only process small ammounts of that trip at a time to put it into words!!!

This Little Light of Mine

This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Hide it under a bushel? No!
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine
Don't let Satan blow it out,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.

Let it shine til Jesus comes,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine til Jesus comes,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine til Jesus comes,
I'm gonna let it shine
Let it shine,
Let it shine,
Let it shine.


I can guarantee that all of us know at least a little bit of this song and started humming along to it. (OK well maybe only I do that...) But have we really thought about what it means?

Now I'm an overthinker. It's true. Maybe I need Overthinkers Anonymous. Like, "My name's Natasha. I checked the front door lock 7 times before I went to bed last night as I thought of 7 different bad things that could happen if it was unlocked." So of course I'm going to over think a children's song. Or maybe just really try and mean the words I'm saying.

First of all to have a light to shine, we need....*drum roll* a light. If there is no light...there's no light to shine. As previously stated I overthink. So when going to the basement to check the basement door lock I need to make sure every light in the entire house is on. (Of course). And I usually take a flashlight if I can find one "just in case". (In case of what...I'm not sure.) Anyway, the point is is I won't go anywhere without light. When playing flashlight tag as a kid I always wanted to be "it" secretly so I could have the light. Going out without light is just too scary for me. I don't like not being able to see the random spider webs or creepy crawly things or monsters that could potentially be waiting to attack me in the dark. The light is the key to driving away all the bad things that could be there. ( In my mind at least)

So why would I want to go anywhere without the most important light in my life. The internal light. If physical light is the key to driving away the scary, bad stuff in the physical life, then the internal light must be the light to driving away all the bad stuff I can't see. Right? Sometimes for me it's like I feel like I can manage without something there to back me up. Almost like a mental, "It's ok God...I totally got this one." Where as in reality I would be so totally lost without him shining through me every second of every day. Am I always a good or even mediocre vessel for his light? No. Do I try to every second of every day....sometimes. When it's convenient. Now I am totally making myself sound like a horrible person and laying it out there in the hopes that at least one person can relate to what I am saying.

The faith we all had when we learnt about our little light and wanting to shine it was honestly probably a lot strong for some of us than our faith now is. I feel as though I have grown past that a little bit in the 15 years since I learnt that. Sometimes.

Another interesting fact about light (brace yourselves for another very ground breaking idea) is that if there is already a flood of light in the area...one candle isn't going to do that much. This week I am babysitting all week (hence the compulsive door checking) for two kids. The girl started turning on every light in the house when we got home today and after accomplishing that, started on the lamps. I yelled into the living room, "You know that little light there isn't going to do much difference with the big light on...might as well just turn it off!" Her reply? "No it's not really that bright in here....it just looks bright because you know the big light is on...it's really full of shadows everywhere!" (then followed by a debate of how much light she really needed to play legos.)

And it clicked.

Living room=America.

Big light=Church in America. Christians in America.

Lamp=Christians in America.

We all think that there is this big flood light of spirituality on America today and that we don't need to do much. So our reliance on God decreases and eventually we just let our light go out as we see it as "not necessary". But in reality there is so much darkness left in our country. Actually in our entire world. America has a lot more "light" in it than some countries but it doesn't mean the darkness is completely gone. To one person living in the shadows, our little light could be the light needed to change their life.

Light in light isn't nearly as effective as light in darkness.


In some Arab countries the people do not know one Christian. Think of all the darkness there. To that dark area our light would shine so much brighter through the darkness than in the areas already brightly lit. Think of the impact all of our lights could make if we only utilized our ability to 1.) get a light through the grace freely given to us and 2.) use our lights in the darkness.

The darkness of the world seems so scary. And as someone who hates not having light, it is almost petrifying at times. But God has called me to those dark places. So I'll go. And take my little light with me and watch as God turnes it into a wildfire for him and his glory. So you might be saying ok well I'm not called out of our brightly lit country. Well that doesn't give you the right to be stingy with your light. There is darkness here! And hello! when's the last time you prayed for those who live without the knowledge that there a light offered to them. Can't you take a few moments and utilize your light through prayer?


This is my challenge to you as the reader and me as the writer....to not hide our lights. I challenge us all to post on Facebook in a way that sheds light to others not negativity, text a friend letting them know your thinking about them, pray for a country in darkness, a friend, a relative, a neighbor or the person driving down the highway in front of us on the way to work.

Anything to get our lights re-lit for the world and not under a bushel.

Shine your lights with me. And let me know how your reaching out with yours!

The Beginning-Cross #1

Luke 9:23


23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.


Recently God has really begun challenging me with this verse. Deny himself, take up his cross, follow me. Sounds pretty easy on first glance...sure God, I'll deny myself that extra latte this week to follow you and make a one time donation to some organization so I can pat myself on the back and feel good about myself. Or the I'll go on a short term mission trip once, and that's all God will ever require me to do for his kingdom.

This is the thought process that is fed to many American Christians today. And hello people! that is totally NOT what Jesus was saying here. Do you really think Jesus cried blood because he was debating between the small and medium strawberry and creme frappuccino. (my personal favorite) The cross in the time when Jesus lived in human form was the sign of death (basically). It meant some awful person was going to hang from it until they suffocated on their own body weight. It meant hours, sometimes days of excruciating agony all leading up to death.

I think Jesus is calling all of us into something deeper than the superficial, mediocre life that the world is telling us is perfectly acceptable! Reliance on him is a totally foreign idea to so many of us (me included) that if we really really dug deep, I think we would all agree he has become a crutch to us. Something that is convenient when needed, but not necessary to daily survival.

His cross DAILY.

Every single day.

Not once a year.

Not once a week.

Not in the good times.

Not in the bad.

Every. Single. Day.

How many of us can truly say we do this? I know for me, living a perfectly happy, overly blessed life here in America, I don't feel the need to. I think I can make it on my own some days. But truth is....I may think I am...but it's not the best life I could have. While sitting on my bed writing this I saw a huge (and completely petrifying to this suburbanite who hates all creepy crawly things) moth start banging itself against my window. I sat here thinking, "Wow...how dumb can you get. You have wings! You can fly wherever you want! But here you are hurting yourself banging yourself up against my window wanting what I have. But clearly aren't getting."

And it clicked. The moth=us. Stupid stupid us. We are constantly banging ourselves into things thinking we know best and that we can handle this. All the while our lives that are perfectly and amazingly set before us by an amazing and all powerful God are right there! We have everything we need to go after what God has for us! But we are too busy trying to get what WE think is best and what WE think we need to even consider what is REALLY best.


Well I am totally done with this totally unsatisfying way of living. I want everything I deserve as a daughter of the Most High King. I want everything He has promised me and everything that I know I can claim.


23 And he said to all, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.



So here is where I will document my journey of taking up my cross. Where I will vent my frustrations and questions, and explore the path God has set in front of me. The next year promises to be one of craziness and of blind faith. But that's ok. I know I have someone there who has done this before me. Who won't let me down if I fulfill me end of the deal. Daily I will work on taking up my cross.

What's your cross for this week? Or even just tomorrow? That latte money that could feed a family for a week in an improvised country? That time spent on Facebook you know should be spent doing your chores? That extra 10% set aside "tithe money" that could buy that to die for pair of shoes?



Daily cross #1 for me: Sacrificing that extra 20 minutes of sleep that seem so necessary to a college kid, to spend some time with my creator. (not really the same as being nailed to a cross I know...but I have to start somewhere right?)